Flight 573 Now Boding

By Dave Barry

"We were traveling from Miami to Minnesota, a state located near, or possibly inside, Canada. The reason we felt a boding was that we were carrying a live baby, and we had stupidly elected to travel by airplane. I think that, instead of making such a big deal about weapons, the airlines ought to start cracking down on babies. Ask the average airline passenger: "Would you rather sit near a gun, or a baby?" Most passengers would answer: "Definitely the gun, as long as it was not shooting, at least not in my direction."

Under my proposal, when you got to the airport, instead of walking through a metal detector, you'd go through a baby detector. If the alarm sounded, security personnel would search you, and if they found a baby, they'd place you in an airport detention facility until the baby had reached an age appropriate for flying (19 years)."