By Dave Barry"Almost the first thing to happen to me when I moved to South Florida was that I got attacked by a fire ant. This was my own stupid fault: I sat on my lawn."
"I thought this was safe because I was from Pennsylvania, where lawns are harmless ecosystems consisting of 93% crab grass, 6% real grass and 1% cute little critters such as worms, ladybugs and industrious worker ants who scurry around carrying objects that are 800 times their own weight. (They don't use these objects; they just carry them around. That's how industrious they are.) Your South Florida lawn, on the other hand, is a seething mass of carnivorous organisms, including land crabs, alligators, snakes, lizards the size of small dogs, and giant hairy spiders that appear to have recently eaten small dogs and are now wearing their pelts as trophies."
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