"Weiner Photo Dispute to Be Settled in Small Claims Court"

"An evil swine hacks into Weiner's Twitter account and posts an embarrassing photo of spindly legs topped by a small erect penis draped in dingy gray briefs no male over the age of 11 would wear -- and Anthony just wants to forget the whole thing!

Instead of angrily demanding an investigation like anyone else would, Anthony has gone all St. Francis of Assisi on us."