"Rejoice That UBL Is Dead and in Hell"

"Apparently, the SEALs require those who go on their missions to be physically and psychologically fit to the nth degree and stuff—y’know, like being able to swim like Esther Williams during a hurricane with a wildebeest strapped to one’s back. When they told me that, I was like, “Whatever.” And the SEALs were like, “Pfff.” And thus they chose someone else to whack that wacky bastard. So, I guess I’ll have to settle for seconds and wait to play the forthcoming Xbox video game based on the Abbottabad raid entitled, SEAL Team Six: Who’s Yo’ Mama, Usama? But I digress."